I Needed a Laugh

Yes Rach, I was in a bit of a mood during my last post! I think I am better now though.

Thursday started out like all Thursdays, happy that I was closer to the weekend and thinking that this weekend was going to be all about me being a bump on the log. I had lunch with one of my favorite coworkers and we hit up one of our meat and threes. I enjoyed the company and the food and of course, he took my ticket away from me so I couldn’t pay for my own meal.

I get back to work, stuffed, ready for a nap but jumped back onto the task at hand. Another coworker grabbed me and said that I needed to go to Costco with her. I have on my list of things to do for the party: price and buy flat screen tv for giveaway. So I run out with her, find what I was looking for, make a mental note of price and specs so I can tell my boss.

On the ride back I start feeling ill. I replay what I had for lunch, none of which should make me feel like this and think that maybe the veggies were a little to high in grease content. One of the “great” things about not having a gallbladder is the reaction your stomach makes when food is a bit too greasy. I figured I would eat a peppermint and be over it. I sit at my desk and then start getting hot flashes, the ones you get when a stomach virus wants to camp out with you for a couple of days. I grab a Sprite Zero thinking this will settle everything, turn on my fan and try to work. A couple people check on me, I tell them I think it was my lunch, no biggie and notice I have under two hours left in the day. Thinking I can work through this and then go home and crash, I muster up some energy and start looking at my spreadsheets. The ickiness will not go away, great. I try to give myself a pep talk and then realize that things are going from bad to worse quickly. Shit, I had this twice earlier this year, I know a couple of people have had this again but I didn’t think I get it again. I run into my boss’s office and tell him I have to go, that I think I am getting ready to puke. He jokes that it could be food poisoning, not funny boss man. I get home, take care of business and try to relax.

I get up the next morning and that horrible feeling I had from the day before is still there. I tried some toast, big mistake. So I take the day off (which sucks because I have a list of things I need to do and being out doesn’t make the list get shorter). Yesterday I thought I was feeling a bit better but spent some quality time in the bathroom. I did manage some real food but paid for it dearly. This morning? Much better, more normal and will try to eat normal food again shortly to see what happens. I love my stomach, I have been sicker than ever before since getting the gallbladder out. Almost makes me think that I should have kept it and dealt with the stones escaping than this.

But I needed a laugh and last night I got the biggest one. A friend told me about watching I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry and I thought I was going to pee in my pants. I have a hard time focusing on movies and shows since I am so conditioned to multi-tasking but I managed to actually watch this movie without banging away on the keyboard. It was so funny and Ving Rhames was so wrong he was good. I DVR’d it since I wasn’t sure if I would actually watch it.

So, if you need a laugh, watch this movie. It is fluff but sometimes you just need it and in the end Chuck and Larry do love and care about each other, just not in that way. . .

Bitter, Party of 1, Your Table is Now Ready

This sucks, actually it is the economy that sucks but you get the picture. I am dying for a vacation, a real one where you have to take a plane to get somewhere, stay in a hotel and eat out the whole week. I had originally planned on taking a trip to NYC this December but due to unforseen circumstances with work, I had to cancel the trip.

I could have kept the money in savings but after promising my first born to my dentist I thought it would be the right thing to do and pull that money over so I could pay the bill down. And the bad part is, the trips to dentist will be continuing for awhile and no this has nothing to do with my vanity. More like I have crappy teeth and am terrified of the dentist so I waited until I ended up with an abcessed tooth as the biggest issue.

Back to the economy; the cost of gas is killing me and I drive a 4 cylindar Civic; cost of food has increased so I have opted for crap food to save a buck and the whole thing is starting to get to me. I am all about the enviroment, saving the dolphins and polar bears but would it hurt if America became a little independent on other countries? My father raised me to never count on anyone else to take care of me. Kind of harsh sure, but it has helped me in times of trouble; I know that I can handle things on my own. Also, no one has guarantee that life is always going to be sunshine and daisies; so for me to be realistic helps me with my sanity.

My dad made a comment to me this past weekend about not getting a loan for a home a couple of years back. Well, I could get a loan, but unlike every Tom, Dick and Harry; I really thought about it and the implications of buying a home. I looked at the rate, the payment, the terms and didn’t feel comfortable with it. I would have been just another story to add to the credit crisis and after destroying my credit a couple of times I wanted to make the right decisions. Now, if we had had lenders and lendees that thought like that then we might not be in this mess to begin with. . .

And as for the airlines, go ahead; keep nickel and diming us; you will see that most “normal” people will change direction and just might decide not to travel via air. By the way, I have been buying my soda and snacks for the plane at the airport before getting on the plane; so you can keep those itty bitty peanuts and sodas for yourselves. As for luggage. . .honey let me tell you something, I can ship that shit to wherever I am going or I can pack like there is no tomorrow and get it into a carry on. Trust me, dear airlines, this is one battle that you will regret raging.

And finally, Dear Mr. President and the hopefuls for 2008. . .get your heads out of your asses, pull it together, take care of America and see that the majority of us are struggling, to the point that while a second job sounds great, the gas and energy expended to do this would not be worth it.

So there is my little rant, oops, guess I was having a hard day today. . .gotta go, they just called my name for my table.

I Survived. . .

The prayers helped, let me tell you I was one nervous little girl. I got my place cleaned up Thursday night and put up any items that might cause my parents alarm or a potential lecture. I ended up waking up at 7 yesterday morning only because my body is just set to do that, which sucks. I stumbled into the kitchen and attacked the dishwasher, unloaded everything, wiped down the counters, looked at the floor and said fuck it, I am not sweeping or mopping.

I left to get gas, hit the grocery store and get my car washed since it was nasty. On the way to the grocery I called my parents to see if they had left yet. They were getting ready to, dad seemed to be dragging getting out the door. I had a little breakfast and planned on napping since I was still exhausted but then realize I had clothes that were piled up and needed to be put up. Now I had a choice; I could either hang everything up or just shove that shit into the closet. I went with the second option, I was tired and just wanted to be able to get in some kind of nap.

They finally got here and the things started off rocky. The Wookster was not happy to have guests. He was like that until they left. Oh man, it was hard because he is such a love bug and he was very unpleasant. At one point mom came out of my room and said he was in there pushing with all his might against their suitcase. Seriously, this is the cat that runs and greats everyone that comes in and wants to love. He really is a sweet cat but apparently, he wasn’t in the mood for company. Oops. . .

We head into Green Hills and I am trying to suggest places to eat. Dad and I are pretty flexible in terms of food, mom; not so much. So we get lunch and roam around the mall. This is always a pain because my mom will look at everything, go back several times to items she really likes but will not buy anything. They have the money but my mom swears they are dirt poor and it drives me crazy.

Dad is pulling his normal stunts, like making fun of the bodyguards in Tiffany and I have to keep reminding him that is not proper behavior in Green Hills. Seriously, he was being so goofy it wasn’t funny. The best is we get back to my place and I walk out to the living room. I find him sitting on the couch with one of his stupid looks, hat on sideways saying he is ready to meet bf. Panic sets in thinking that this is such a mistake to introduce them because I am convinced that this is going to be bad.

We pick up bf, I introduce them and we are off to the game. Small talk happens and my mom starts trying to pick on me; which bf encourages as we are rolling down the interstate. Thanks for the support there buddy. We park, head up to the suite and hang. All in all, it was a nice evening. Dad behaved himself, bf was cool about the whole thing and we rolled on through the evening.

I *think* they all liked each other. I guess the nice thing is I don’t go home often and my parents have been up here to visit twice in eight years, so it is not like they will be here every month. This fall I am supposed to go to a game or two with bf at his alma mater, so I will meet some of his friends then. Not sure if or when I will meet his parents. Kind of nervous about that because I have always had such bad luck in that department.

I hung out with my parents today, did a bit more shopping and then they headed back home. Nice quick trip and I got ready to hang with bf, Stacey and her hubby. We had a nice evening hanging out, talking, laughing and all that in between. I still have to go to Stacey and ask, umm, so do you think he is into me? Because I don’t read him very well and the last time I thought things were great with a guy I ended up with egg on my face.

So we all survived and I think that things are good between us. . .

OMG, Am I Really Ready for This?

Remember when you were younger and dating was just an activity? Remember when introducing some boy to your parents wasn’t that big of a deal? Aww, the good old days!

So I got tickets to the Titans game for this Friday, a coworker who handles the tickets grabbed me this morning, tells me to sit down and then proceeds to plop four suite tickets and a parking pass in my paws. I thought I was going to cry! Getting tickets is normal, I end up with them at some point during the football season and I relish them each and every time but for my dad who just went to his first game last year, this is huge. He always says that the pro sports have priced the normal guy from going to the game but since I finally thought about getting him to a game last year, I had never thought about this tidbit.

I immediately call my parents, excited because now we can drag mom to a game. She isn’t into sports at all but I keep telling her she gets to sit in the suite, eat some food and it is actually quite nice. I call, dad hems and haws to which I say put mom on the phone. She simpers a we’ll see and I can already tell she is trying to figure out how to get out of coming to Nashville. She is terrified of the interstate and hates the traffic here. Umm, the traffic really isn’t that bad but then again I have been driving in this city for over eight years. I tell her to stop trying to make excuses, they are coming up. They can sleep in my room, etc. Her only thought? Well, you said that bf is going out of town. . .gee, thanks, I would hate for you to have to see your daughter! I hear dad in the background as I am arguing with her that bf will be there and I said he was going out of town later in the month, not now. She continues to argue with me (really? the woman forgets about something she is dying to ask me about once a week but she remembers this tidbit, alas the wrong date of his departure). So dad gets back on the phone, I tell him again, they are coming up here, I could care less about the excuses. He relents and says let me handle this, I will talk to you later.

I talk to him again later and he says that it’s a go. Finally, someone finally hears me. I tell him I am taking the day off and he asks why. Umm, thought you and mom would like to come up early, get settled and I could take you into Green Hills. Ohhhhh! I get it now. Way to be on this one dad. Then I tell him the plan and that on Saturday we can roam around a bit before they leave. He then says, well you know we need to head back on Saturday. . .dad, were you actually listening to me? Obviously not. I tell him that it didn’t matter if mom came or not, that the purpose of making sure I was off on Friday was just in case I needed to go down to Cleveland and pick him up. He asks when they should leave to get here so they don’t hit rush hour traffic, I say leave at 8, you will get here probably around 10 my time and that works out well.

I call mom later since I was quite rude to her (she pushes my buttons like no other). I try to talk up going into Green Hills, that we can hit Prime Outlet on Saturday morning and that there is a PetSmart near me. Her nose is out of joint. Yeah, I forced you to do this but like I told dad earlier this year, Nashville is my home and if I get married, I am doing it here and if I ever have kids, they need to come here to visit. Dad is gung ho on this, mom, not so much.

Oops, tangent! Anyway, I run to bf’s after work to borrow his Dyson (I kill vaccum cleaners so I need a heavy duty one) so I can clean and make it look like I am halfway decent when it comes to cleaning. He is laughing at me since I so don’t clean. In fact, his text back to me earlier was “didn’t you just do this? Wookie doesn’t shed that much.” I think I *might* clean (like really clean) twice a year. And those usually involve my Christmas dinner party or some other gathering.

So back to the point, I get over there, we are talking and I am trying to brace him for this because I am scared shitless. I really like bf and man my parents are different. Dad is really laid back, my mom is uptight and will be driving from the backseat when we all pack in and head to the game. Please oh please let this go smoothly because I could just see bf look at them, look at me and then say, uh, no thanks. I wouldn’t blame him though. My mom scared the shit out of the ex. She hasn’t liked many of my bfs and since I am getting older, well this is just one of those things that she will use in a year or two, saying that she didn’t like him and knew that he wasn’t the one.

As I am getting ready to leave his place I remember that I needed to borrow one of his flasks for the game. Oh yeah, Amy is going to have a cocktail and is going to conceal it (while saving bf 13 bucks) in front of the mom, why? Because I don’t want to hear her getting onto me about drinking. Hell, I won’t be smoking for two days because I still haven’t discussed this with them. Sure, they probably figured it out a few years ago but still I don’t want the lecture. Passive much?

I ended up talking to dad after work, his question to me? So what are we doing about food? Gee dad, I don’t know, I mean there aren’t any restaurants around here and I don’t cook and oh yeah, there are no grocery stores. Guess we need to go hunting for some food. . .

Pray for me people, this weekend could get ugly. I told dad that mom isn’t allowed to drive once they get here. She would cause massive amounts of pile ups if I let her. So I told him we can take my car or I can drive theirs. The last time they were both here was for my surgery five years ago. I drove them around, the ex scared them a couple of times on the interstate and finally they left. This should be interesting. Maybe I should warn Metro’s Police Department about them coming since she can’t handle heavy traffic.

Cancer Smancer

I went to a dinner party last weekend at Sonia’s home. It was wonderful but the conversation moved onto to some heavier topics of discussion. Cancer being the biggest topic and one that has infiltrated my circle of friends. This is another part of life that doesn’t seem real. More like a really bad dream that has taken our group by storm.

A friend of ours has been diagnosed with cancer and the tumors he has are located in several spots; including a nasty little on like the shape of a star in his brain. One that they deem to dangerous to operate on since it has settled nicely onto a blood vessel. We have other friends who have various forms of cancer as well and we couldn’t help but wonder why this is happening to our friends. We are all young, in decent health and have quite a bit of life left to lead.

Is it due to our food, the yummy processed crap that saves us time? Is it the chemicals that have been dumped into our rivers from companies that didn’t see the harm in this when we were younger? We don’t have the answers but it does cause us to pause to think about everything we have done so far in our lives. I grew up in an area that didn’t think twice about dumping their chemicals in rivers, there is even a creek that I used to hop around in that makes me cringe now since so many people I know from there are battling cancer.

I have friends online that are dealing with the same issues and no one seems to have an answer for why which leads me to my next question. How do we deal with this? Do we turn the other way, stick our heads in the sand? Do we face this head on and make a complete change in how we lead our lives? It is scary to think that diseases that were once thought of as hitting the older segment have crept into our lives. It scares me to think of who will be next, how can we focus on the positive instead of the negative.

I thought our biggest challenges right now would be getting set up for life, finding a mate and God forbid, infertility but not cancer. It puts so much into perspective and part of me wants to run into bf’s arms and say screw it, let’s go for it and not be cautious since we never know what will happen in the future but then I think maybe I am getting worked up for nothing and feel silly for allowing my brain to wonder to the depths of sadness.

As of right now, I guess we should be thankful of what we have going in our lives and focus on that. Be rocks to those who have been dealt some tough blows and move forward without worrying too much.

Kicking It Old School

A couple of weeks ago I jokingly said to bf, “hey, let’s go to the Def Leppard concert.” He said okay and the next thing I know I am dealing with my pride. Sure, I liked Def Leppard back in the day but going downtown to see them wasn’t on my list of things to do. I looked at this little adventure as a another mocking opportunity and decided to make the best of it.

The closer the concert date came, the more excited I got and to my surprise I was really looking forward to seeing a band that had made my mother cringe when I was younger. Co-workers asked what I would be wearing and when I answered the usual they looked at me like I had two heads. Apparently I needed to shed those preppy, clean cut clothes in favor of acid wash and aquanet (thanks T for that little soundbite).

For those of you that know me, know that I never really had big hair, it was always flopping in my face. I may have owned some acidwash back in the day but those are now in a bin somewhere for Goodwill. However, while we didn’t stand out at the concert there were some who obviously had not left the mid 80s. It was hard to control myself because this was just too funny, mullets, old school Leppard shirts and the one thing that sealed the deal and indicated it was going to be a wonderful evening: an 80s Camaro with the Def Leppard window sticker and a personalized tag that said DEFLEPP on it.

Joan Jett opened for them and damn, she still sings just as well as she did when “I love rock n’ roll” back in 81. I was transported back to a time when things were simpler, the music was wonderful and to my surprise, those guys still looked good today. Of course for a moment I forgot who I was with, whipped around to state that Phil Collin was still HOT and got a bit embarassed of my announcement. Bf just looked at me and said okay, he got it and understood that a crush from all those years ago still got my heart racing.

Even though I was kind of tired towards the end, they could have played for two more hours and I wouldn’t have minded. They put on a show that was impressive and worth the money, mocking and drive into downtown. It made the bf want to start playing in a band again and me, well I just wanted to imagine that I was actually talented enough to do anything with that band.

I am now on the lookout for the British flag t-shirt because I just have to have that but wasn’t willing to pay 50 bucks for it at the show. Off to search Amazon, EBay and all sites in between. I guess I should figure out if I am really into kicking it old school and wearing it around town or if it is going to end up collecting dust in my closet. Decisions, decisions.

Am I Really That Old?!

Although I do have siblings, said siblings do not have a relationship with my parents. Is this unusual, well not for my family. This is the norm and while those around me might sometimes look at me like I have two heads when I speak of them, the reality is that sometimes our blood family members are just not as close to us as our friends, who we bring into our circle.

This whole thought process was brought about after speaking with an old friend last weekend. Her mother has had health issues for as long as I can remember but until recently, they were managable. Now there is talk that she might have Parkinsons and Dementia. I can tell when I am talking to my friend that she is stressed about this and scared. Sure, she works in the healthcare industry but when these things hit this close to home, that is when things get dicey.

I began to think about my parents and any potential health issues that might come up down the road but then I stopped and thought, wait, I can’t be old enough yet to be worrying about this! We can’t be old enough to start worrying about any of this. I had to imagine just four years ago what my life would be like without my dad in it. The year before he had been diagnosed with Diabetes and then right before Memorial Day weekend he said he felt funny and wanted to go to the emergency room.

We were lucky, he didn’t have a heart attack but there were three blockages; as I sat helpless in Nashville trying to get some work done I kept waiting for mom to call me with updates. It started with they can put stints in and ended with triple bypass surgery. They had him medicated, transferred to a hospital in Chattanooga and he was resting comfortably. He asked me to wait until Sunday to head down there because he thought I needed to stay home and try to enjoy part of my weekend. I was miserable. I kept thinking about the what ifs and how much I wanted him to see me get married and to meet his hypothetical grandchildren. The surgery went fine but those 24 hours surronding the surgery were complete hell.

I haven’t really worried since then about having to care for my parents but after talking to my friend; I started to worry. Would I be able to care for them, would I be able to make the tough decisions and respect their wishes. Would they be willing, if God forbid, something really bad happened to move here, to Nashville.

I know I complain about my parents but overall, we have a good relationship. They were a bit strict when I was younger but since I have been on my own for what seems like forever now, they are cool about my comings and goings when I visit. But having to see my friend deal with this has been gut wrenching and knowing that her father who has always taken wonderful care of her mother is now dealing with something more complicated than low blood pressure or back pain.

She is quite lucky to have a wonderful sister and extended family that will rally around them should this turn down a hard path but then I went back to my first statement: “Although I do have siblings, said siblings do not have a relationship with my parents.” I will be their sole provider and that scares me. In fact, I don’t think my sister will be interested in them until they pass and it will only be to see what she gets out of the deal. It’s quite shitty to say but it is the truth.

So I guess I really am that old, old enough to know that there is a limited amount of time I have with my parents and that makes me feel sad. All I can really do right now is make the most out of it, do things for them, try not to piss them off to much and alievate any concerns they might have about my supporting myself. I think I can handle that.

Women and Message Boards

As I mentioned in 100 Things About Me, number twentysomething had me thinking today. Message boards are a great wealth of information, you can “meet” people of similar tastes and thoughts and the comic relief that comes about on these boards also help pass the time when you are bored and not in the mood to read, think or be constructive.

I started on WC, innocently reading the how to plan a wedding threads for one of my friends. Then I got sucked into them. I read with interest the plans women were making for their wedding day. Unfortunately, these were women who were not engaged yet. I thought it was comical at the time because that is a whole lot of planning for something that hasn’t come about yet. But then I started to think about it; sure I didn’t have an online journal that depicted my dress, flowers, cake, rings and venue but I did have some of that in my head. I had talked to friends about these ideas and listened to their suggestions; wasn’t that the same as putting it all online?

I thought to myself, gee, maybe I should have a little file of what I want, make notes of what I don’t want but each time I felt a little silly about it and just kept it all in my brain. And sure, I have thought about baby names and what I want and don’t want out of a pregnancy/childbirth/child rearing line of thinking but again, I didn’t want to commit it to cyberspace because I felt like I was setting myself up for failure.

One day I hopped onto WC to see that it was gone and I paniced! Who knew that this little online community was so much a part of my life. I somehow stumbled upon CC, signed up and even tried to journal a bit there. Well I did until the one man I thought I would marry broke up with me and I decided that reading threads was so much safer than me writing about myself. I didn’t want egg on my face, you know?

With CC brought the drama that S and I would discuss, share with her hubby and from time to time, I would share with my IRL friends. I never mentioned names, locations or other such details, hell I didn’t even mention the message board. The funniest part of all of this is, while I had this single, secret behavior I met S and we ended up being really good friends. How do I explain this to my friends? Do I tell them that I met her through this site, will they think that I am weird (or weirder than I really am?)? Finally, a year into the debacle, I just started saying that yes, we met on a message board, I gave her tips about Nashville and eventually we met up for drinks and that as they say is the start of a beautiful friendship.

The interesting thing about message boards is the bravadothat it gives some users. I would say women but I know that men are just as guilty at saying shitty things online that they would never say to someone in person. I found that on this particular board there was a group of users who literally followed others from thread to thread, picking apart what they say, using items said in the past against someone and basically calling them pieces of shit for thinking/feeling the way they do.

Sure, I am not a fan of cheating but the reality is I am not there to talk to them about how I was cheated on and how it destroyed my self-esteem, I am also not God, so judging them is not what I was put on this earth for. I can give them feedback, thoughts and insight from my perspective, be there for them when they need someone just to hear them out but calling them out, threatening to call the spouse that had been cheated on to let the cat out of the bag? Not my cup of tea.

I will never understand how women (and men) can be so mean to each other. How the normal random acts of kindness are thrown out of the window just because they cannot be seen. Sure, I can act all big and bad, typing out my thoughts on this laptop but the reality is when did being nasty help anyone?

Then there is the reality of those who post online who make shit up, share the scandalous bits of information for all the world to see and then send private messages to those they think are picking on them just to say, oh I was just making that up. There is a reason why I don’t post most of my friends’ full names online, they didn’t chose to share information with the world wide web, I did. And yes, I blog about them from time to time but I try to make it as anonymous as I can for their sake. I want to use this blog as a writing exercise for me, to share my insights about my life but for the most part, my friends are a huge part of it, so I have to share those details.

I go back and forth with how out there I want this to be and sharing my guilty pleasure of reading message boards is a part of me. Something that for quite sometime I was ashamed to admit because, hey, this is new and different and just like online dating, it is kind of hard to own up to. But hey, I think it is now becoming the norm and I like that. Now if I could just encourage world peace on the message board, I will feel like I have accomplished something.

A Ghost from Dating Past

Dating is not the funnest thing on my list but since it is an evil necessity I put up with the ups and downs. I have been fortunate that most exs go away and I may hear about them from time to time but other than that I don’t really have to think about them.

Of course there is always an exception to that rule and this one exception I got in spades. To make a very long story short, I thought I really wanted to date this guy, he was a good friend and it seemed to make sense but once I thought about it and got into with him, I knew that it was a mistake. I can’t take the young and dumb route because it only happened in the past two years. I blame it on my fear of the chance I might end up alone. I ended it both times (yep, tried twice and got the same result) with the same reason, I am not comfortable with this. I adored him, we got along wonderfully but man I was so uncomfortable it wasn’t funny.

Both times, he has lashed out and yes, I deserve some of it but not the amount he laid out for me. And he did it via email. From time to time I would get these horrible emails stating what a horrible person I was; I promptly sent them and my response to a mutual friend who understood the situtaion and could be honest with me (was I too harsh in the response, etc.) about the emails. According to him, I was being fairly even, not pulling any punches which at least made me feel better.

After this last little blow up we didn’t speak for about two months; by then I was on my eHarmony journey and was happy with my choices (I didn’t officially have bf in my life then but he was a reason I was smiling more). He emailed me a request for dinner and I stupidly accepted. I then invited our mutual friend to coffee afters to catch up with him. Dinner was miserable. He kept huffing and puffing, sighing and overall, dramatic about whatever was on his mind. He bashed eHarmony since that didn’t work for him and quite frankly, gave me heartburn in the process. Finally we finished dinner and left waiting on friend to get there for coffee. I had hoped that he would leave but he hung right in and requested that we take a walk. He wanted to get me in a quiet spot to lambast me one more time about what had happened a couple months before. I told him that I wasn’t talking about it, that we could be friends but that was it. He made coffee a miserable and uncomfortable experience for us.

A few days later I get another email attacking me again and questioning my ability to deal with confrontation. Well, at this point being nice wasn’t working so I let him have it. I told him I was sick to death of the drama, the pouting, the ugly words and that the answer to his question, no matter how many times he asked, was not going to change. That finally shut him up but left me with a nasty taste in my mouth. I didn’t want to be mean but he just wasn’t getting the point. It was my fault that I started this thing not once but twice but in all of that time I was not nasty to him. I put his email address into the junk folder and hoped for the best.

Last week I got an email from him, he just wanted to say “hi” and no I haven’t responded back. At this point, not having him in my life is far better than dealing with him. Plus, I don’t want the drama to hit and have the bf have to deal with it or even witness it.

I guess this just goes to show you that while most people think that the women are the drama queens, guys can be too.

I Need a Vacation From Life. . .

This week has been a blur, the kind that you just say huh? what the hell happened here? I so badly need to get organized at work but each time I start to clean my desk, update my to do list and try to think of a way to process the massive amounts of mail, faxes and voicemails I get called away to take care of something else. This is so stressful and it makes just want to take a break from everything just for a few days. If I had the money, I would so sneak out of town but that isn’t going to be happening anytime soon so I guess I need to suck it up and pray that I can at least manage the chaos.

I got up this morning wishing I had told my boss I wanted to take the day off but instead opted not to say anything yesterday, so off I went to work. Unfortunately I had drama waiting on me just outside my door. The Wookster normally walks me to the door to say goodbye (don’t know how he started this little habit but he does it) but thankfully today he decided to collapse in the hallway and just watch me leave. I open the door and there is a cat laying on my mat. I kind of yelp and slam the door because, well I am a dork and apparently the cat outside startled me. I finally walk out and he moves; then I notice that this poor cat (skin and bones but has a collar and tag on) has been in a fight and it wasn’t pretty. I stop to ponder, do I give him a small bowl of food and water since he is so banged up but then hear this horrible cry coming from somewhere. I thought it was Wookie so I decided not to head back into the apartment because I didn’t want to deal with prying my cat off of the injured cat. As I start walking down the steps I see the ferrell cat that has lived on the property for a while and he is the one making the horrible noises. Apparently he is the one that beat up this other cat. I wanted to cry. I shooed the mean cat away and then got in my car trying to figure out what to do.

I call Daddy, shaking and on the verge of tears to ask what I should do. I knew that I didn’t want to try to pick up the injured cat because he might decide I was trying to hurt him and that would be a bad situation for both of us. Daddy says to call animal control and get them to come out and deal with it. Part of me feels bad about doing it because I would hate to have either cat put down but the other part of me knew that the owners apparently didn’t care for their cat too well since he was skin and bones. All I can say is at least this shit didn’t happen on a Monday because that would have sucked.

I have been exhausted for the past two weeks and still can’t figure out why. I am getting enough sleep but I feel just as tired when I get up as when I go to bed. I need to exercise, maybe that would help me out. Of course, if I got the extra 40 lbs off me I am sure I would feel better. Again, I am so worn out by the end of the day that the last thing I want to do is exercise. Don’t they have some special pill that can get rid of the weight?

So, if anyone wants to hand over a free ticket and an all expense paid vacay to NYC, I would appreciate it. Then again, I am not choosy, maybe a trip to the beach is what I need. . .I just want a break from the madness and possibly a way to get my brain to slow down for just a moment so I could relax. I have a feeling that is not going to happen for me though.