The Ex and the Stalker

You hear about relationships that go wrong but usually you they don’t happen to you or a friend. Sure, we have all had bad dating experiences. I am the queen of picking the wrong the guy, hence this is why I am not married. But to actually see a relationship go from so so to OMG! that couldn’t really be happening is surreal.

The ex decided that he really wanted to start dating again and needed my help. Why? Who knows but I offered him some advice and gently suggested eHarmony since I finally broke down and signed up shortly after my birthday this year. Apparently I was lucky and found someone with similar interests that I actually want to spend time with but the ex wasn’t so lucky. Part of his problem was he didn’t want to make the first move and get rejected. Please, I have been rejected more than I care to admit and if you are paying for a service you should take advantage of it.

He has the patience of a gnat and somehow ended up going out with a couple of females that were not from the site. The first one was mid-twenties with a kid but that didn’t faze him because he was obsessed with getting some action. While he was seeing sleeping with her he met through his parents a woman ten years his senior, yep a cougar. He settled on the cougar because she was hot according to him.

Red flags start popping up like there is no tomorrow; he likes to be alone and she got mad at him for not wanting to spend all of his time with her. A pattern develops where she gets mad, pouts and then calls him back to apologize for said behavior. I tell him I am not so sure about her but to him it is all about the sex. I call him one random Sunday afternoon to check on him and say hi. She gets mad that a female is calling him. This is a typical routine with her and I tell him that from my experience you need to be with someone who understands and respects the fact that you have friends of the opposite sex. I lost a few male friends because of him and his jealousy and promised myself that I wouldn’t do that again.

Fast forward to the weekend before 4th of July; I was leaving my bf’s place and called the ex back since I missed his call. He happens to be in the area, I stop and talk to him and realize that another drama has happened and ask him if the sex is really worth the hassle. After a few minutes of me treating him like a child he finally admits that I am right. Sure there is a part of me that loves the fact that I am right but I do want him to find someone.

He breaks it off with the cougar the following day and he thinks it is over–wrong. Tuesday she demands to talk to him in person for closure. Ladies–do we ever really get closure? I know that I have never gotten that and at the ripe old age of 34 I know that I need to move on when a guy is no longer interested because I will never find out. We still don’t know where Hoffa is or who really killed JFK so why do we think we are going to get a solid reason from a guy when he dumps us? I chalk it up to he isn’t that interested or has found something better, it makes for an easier recovery time.

I had called him that evening because there was a police helicopter circling with a searchlight and I thought I we had somehow ended up in South Compton not Bellevue. He is really short with me on the phone and tells me he has to go. Later he calls back and shares this little tidbit with me about cougar coming over to talk. She left after an hour but apparently came back to return a CD. She lives thirty minutes away, the amount of gas she has wasted is comical but I still think the ex is just making this bigger than it really is. Cougar keeps calling and texting him; he sees her car drive by his place and he is freaked. He asks me if he can come over to sleep on the couch. Sure but make sure cougar doesn’t follow you because I am not in the mood. He gets over to my place and she has left a message and a text. She says she was trying to return a CD but there was a man trying to break into the trunk of his car. HUH? I don’t know about you but should I decide to break into a car, I am going for the window not the trunk.

She starts calling again the next day, saying she left something at his place but won’t tell him until he calls her back. He is emailing me asking if he finds whatever it is, should he just throw it away. Umm, yeah or mail it to her if it means that much to her. She then emails him at work and tells him she left her toothbrush there. Really? She can’t pick up a toothbrush at the store and since that was a spare she kept at his place (that he bought) why does she need it? Again, cougar is just trying to come up with reasons to see him.

I talk to him on Thursday and he sounds better because she has stopped trying to contact him. Well that is until she comes to his place in the middle of the night beating down his door, saying he owes her this and she can do this all night. He actually has to call the police to get her to leave.

Cougar has a teenager at home yet she thinks this is a great move on her part. Note to anyone that gets dumped, the decision has been made, the answer is not going to change and for Pete’s sake I have to get some sleep people!!!

The cougar finally stops trying to call and all has been peaceful on the ex’s front.

The moral of the story? Men, think with your head, the one that houses your brain not the penis. No good ever comes with thinking with your penis, trust me. Women, if you get dumped, morn the relationship by all means but stalking is not becoming and makes you look like a needy woman.

The ex has signed back up with eHarmony and I am hoping that he finds a nice normal girl. Wait, who am I kidding, the boy is a whore, he knows it and I know it. God bless him but the outlook doesn’t look so great for him which means I may need to build an apartment over the garage of my hypothetical house so he can live there when he gets older.